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If the Dark Were Permanent

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Funny Stuff

Thanks to me lovely friends...


25 Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word
"Pants" ...

A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my
old master.

You are unwise to lower your pants.

We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to
retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.

I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.

TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?

Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.

Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot pants more heavily guarded
than this.

Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for
your sister!

Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first
sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.

Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my
pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.

I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!


As seen in a dog's diary:
8am - Oh Boy!  Dog food!  My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy!  A car ride!  My favorite
10am - Oh Boy!  A walk!  My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy!  A car ride!  My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy!  The kids!  My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy!  The yard!  My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy!  The kids!  My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy!  Dog food!  My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy!  Mom!  My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy!  Playing ball!  My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy!  Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded --
must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on
their favorite chair -- must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was.  Hmmm, not working according to
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
  I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was
due to MY power of "allergies."  Must learn what this
is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return.  He is obviously a
The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant,
and speaks with them regularly.  I am certain he
reports my every move.  Due to his current placement
in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time......


A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired
two new dogs.
She asked the blonde what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named
"Rolex" and one was
named "Timex".

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone giving dogs
names like that?"

"HellOOOooo! " Replied the blond!
"They're Watch dogs!"

Serena and Rini
Sailor Scouts

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